Monday, November 29, 2010

Dear Family,

I am currently relaxing. I have no desire to do anything but sit with a quite mind. I could read but wish not to for I like this silent mind that I have for once in a long time. I could think about the future but that is a waste at the moment because I am not moving anywhere in time now so at the moment I will stay in the present thought of nothingness. The chains and freedoms of the past are clear to see, nothing new to me and nothing to worry about in this moment. I am satisfied with just silence and sitting.

Why? Why am I so satisfied with just sitting...but there is more beneath my chest. A heart beat that races with my thought of I am eager to live. I understand living is not thinking of the future, nor how to fix/accept the past, but enjoying the moment relaxing, being confident in the hope that everything is going to be alright. It is not in my power to control everything.

It is not in my power to control everything-what a freeing statement.


I am okay, I am free.

Thursday, November 25, 2010




Happy Thanksgiving. I am beginning to look like this guy.



I am stuffed with turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, yams, cranberries, and rolls! I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed. I am stuffed.


....I am stuffed.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Compelled by Love by Heidi Baker pages 68-70

There is this fullness that Jesus promised: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled" (Matt. 5:6). The Father has invited all of us into His wedding feast to sit with Him, to come and eat. That means no more crumbs, no more stale bread, and no more garbage. We can just come in, let Him hold us, let Him love us and let Him smile on us.

In Mozambique, sometimes when we take the homeless orphans in, they run away and scavenge again in the dark places. But Jesus always leaves the ninety-nine to chase after the one. He always searches for the one lost coin. Jesus kills the fattened calf, throws the best party in town, and promises, "My son...you are always with me, and everything I have is yours." (Luke 15:31)

EAT FOR A NATION

When everything Jesus has is ours, we can start to feed the nations. Attending a conference is not enough. You must eat and drink until you are dripping Jesus. You must be so full of Him that you start leaking Jesus. You must eat a lot-more than just twice a year. You must eat enough for a nation.

The poor have taught me about hunger and thirst and my own need. In order to function and to make it through one day, I have to spend hours every day alone with my Jesus. I must have His presence or I know I cannot survive. I am often on my face in His presence. So I stay hidden in His heart, soaking in the secret place. If you will look into the eyes of Jesus and eat and fill that hungry place with Him every day, then His passion is alive and burning in your soul.

When I come up from that secret, I sometimes watch blind eyes turn from white to gray to brown as King Jesus heals them; I watch thousand of unreached people bow their knees to Jesus. And I watch previously miserable, abandoned children swing on swing sets as they sing joyful songs to the Lord. My life must be one lived out of fullness and abundance. I will never claim to have anything on my own.

Learn to eat and drink from the Word. Fill your hunger and thirst with the Word. Jesus is the Word-the Bread of Life. See Him in the Word, in the poor, and in the face of the hungry ones on the street.

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.-Isaiah 55;1-2

Got to Jesus in faith. Look into His eyes and love Him. Be desperate for more of Him. What we don't have, Jesus has, and He is good; He will give to us. His body and blood are more than enough for all who receive Him.

We must keep testifying to the gospel of God's grace, and out of it we will see more revival. We and the rest of the body of Christ will persevere and do greater things that even Jesus did on Earth, things He has prepared for us to do from before the foundation of the world.




Garden by Misty Edwards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-egz4wiJCg&feature=related

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I just had an amazing time with an old friend. We talked about Jesus and what Holy Spirit is sharing with us in this daily walk. I am encouraged to know that good things are happening across this nation, God is sovereign and will have His ways amongst us. HURRAY!

Friday, November 19, 2010

I just finished Jurassic Park and found it utterly amazing and would recommend all to read it.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Humility:noun
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

This is the definition of humility.

I have been learning of a new definition of humility which I realize I lack. I tell people my problems but I never allow there to be a lack of a self shielding. I share my issues but I cover the wound with a saying like "but God will take care of it", "God is good", "God will provide", these are true good saying but my use of these sayings is incorrect. I hardly leave room for a person to notice the pain, confusion, shaking of faith that my issues are causing me. I would like this to change, ultimately this action is pride, it keeps community in boundaries.

Its hard to be vulnerable. Its something many people do not see in the open and when it is seen in the open it causes reactions that many may not want to receive because it calls for change in society, in a individuals life, I don't know why for sure. My heart has changed tho, I am no longer willing to kneel to this action of pride that for me comes from a misunderstanding of Christianity.

I am not closed off to everyone, I share my life with people, what I am writing about is when we close our hearts off from people when it comes to insecurities that we know we need help in but refuse the help by hiding behind phrases. This is an act that I do and I know it is stopping the church from being the church around me. You need opportunities to be the church and I need opportunities to be the sinner in need of the church.

This is nothing new to my mind and I am sure to you who are reading this. This writing has been on my heart for the church and for myself to follow through with more in my life, I am releasing it from my heart for you to read and for you to remember to be vulnerable and not to hide behind feel good phrases. Be your self, let go and be free.

I am trying more in my life to give people more opportunities to be vulnerable, accountable, and cared for more through my arms, words, actions that come from Holy Spirit (hopefully). Mercy, Grace, Peace, Hope, Faith, Love are the weapons of choice for me from God. I hope and will act these out on you when you have a confession, a hurt, a issue with me or the world, confrontation. I want US to be the church and it starts with humility.

I struggle with life.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dear Family,

Awe, it feels good to be back in CA and talk to my good friends here.

I have listen to the Showbread album once through. I am shocked by the mellowness of the album there is not one song with screaming or a good rush tempo. The lyrics are good, honest, straight forward about their views on the world, Christianity, music. I am a big fan of Showbread so I can hear the similarities to their older albums and how this album still is RAW ROCK!

All to write I love Showbread and I think this album is a fresh star for their new additional sound of Raw Rock. If you dislike their older sound, this new sound maybe your cup of tea for Showbread. The songs are slow but have a lot of heart in them.

LISTEN TO IT.

LOVE

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Dear YWAM Folks

I am in CA and life is great. I have already eaten a bean and cheese burrito with guacamole. Hugged my parents as well thee cat and dog. I can't believe you are 3 hours ahead of Cali time.

I am reading Jurassic Park (still) and almost finished with it! I wish the movie followed the book closer, it would be so much fun and suspense filled.

I will be meeting with a few friends today! I am so excited to hug them and share my heart with them.


Dear Friends of all Over

I have just finished a few books that I would like to share with you.

The Dirty Little Secret: Uncovering the Truth Behind Porn by Craig Gross

I have just finished this book a few days ago and WOW, I found it inspiring to love more in grace and accountability. I dislike a lot of "Christian" books about sex, accountability, pornography, but this book is different because the humility in Craig Gross writing. He admits the struggles of one who has seen and been addicted to pornography rather then over looking the problem. He admits the "Christian" programs in our society is not enough for someone to over come porn but rather it is in our grace, intimacy, and accountability towards each other in the Church that will bring true freedom to someone addicted to porn or abused by porn.

Craig also invites his reader into the porn market, revealing what happens to customers, Porn Stars, porn managers. Its amazing how I forget a Porn Star is a person, is a broken single mother, a desperate husband trying to provide for his wife and kids. Craig reveals the brokenness that I and many more may consider "ugly" and "hard hearted" to be in need of love, care, and a lot less hard hearted then we may judge.

This book put me to shame, lead me to my judgments and my need to apologize to the people trapped in pornography. To listen more to them and have a open heart to receiving them. God loves Porn Stars and I do too.

I would encourage you to read this book because you realize your need for a new out look on people and the grace of Jesus. This book doesn't just tell the gospel story but shows how a person lived the gospel and invites others to join him in living the gospel.

Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne

This book was AMAZING! My heart was transformed in the process of reading this book. Its about the U.S.A, the government in general humanity built, war/violence, juxtapose to Gods government, Jesus' gospel of grace, humility, love your enemy, Gods identity for humanity.

I will warn you if you love your American life, American Jesus, American flag raised high above in the "church" then do not read this book (but I would still encourage you to read the book because you maybe in idolatry with out knowing it). Shane delivers a message about Gods government that is reality and lovely but costly. He writes about the military and soldiers in Iraq, Palestine who are having a hard time finding their identity in the gospel of Jesus because the military is so far from Jesus' gospel. He writes about economy, greed, and our need to change the way we think about money. How to "stick it to the man" only more to receive a way of God.

Above all Shane writes about grace and how grace is not the easy way of life but the quickest way to change a fallen world. Its beautiful how he articulates Gods call and Jesus' life here on earth.

I personally, in reading this book thought is it worth watching violence and squid images for entertainment. My life was changed by reading this book, I don't like violence that much anymore.

I would recommend this book to shake your faith, world view, and understanding of Gods call on his people.

I love you all and think deeply about you all. We only have one life to live so live it intently. Take every moment to love hard.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010





The Liver

The liver is the largest and most massive internal organ of the human body. The mass of a healthy human liver is approximately 1.2–1.5 kg (2.4–3.0 lb). The liver's mass comprises one-fortieth to one-fiftieth of a total adult body's weight and one-eighteenth of the body's weight during infancy. Located in the upper right part of the abdomen behind the ribs, the liver is dark red-brown organ with a soft, spongy texture that is nearly 15 cm (6 in) thick and consists of two main overlapping lobes (the right lobe and the left lobe).

The magnitude of its mass suggests the liver's vital role in fulfilling the body's metabolic needs and maintaining daily homeostasis. The liver performs more than 500 different functions in the body. As part of the digestive system, the liver aids the body in fat digestion, manufactures and secretes bile, regulates the levels of chemicals in the blood, synthesizes proteins, filters waste products from the bloodstream, and receives nutrient-rich blood from the gastrointestinal tract and either stores or transforms these nutrients into chemicals that are used elsewhere in the body.

The liver possesses the unique ability to regenerate cells that have been destroyed by some short-term injury or disease. However, long-term repeated damage to the liver may result in permanent irreversible changes or damage. Infections or diseases of the liver, often caused by excessive alcohol consumption, may hinder the organ from performing its many essential functions.

http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2004/MaryPennisi.shtml

I have been thinking about the liver recently, it is one of the most important internal organs of the human body. What has led me to think about the liver is I-as a follower of Christ and how am I meant to live. I want to be a liver-haha get it!

I have always known living is a vital part of following Christ, I realized daily that I would never understand Christ if I had not try to live like Jesus. I do not understand all things that Jesus did, does, is.

How I live. I wake to a lad named Matthew whom is nothing like me in any way- we both try to understand each other and have mercy for each other. I cook and wash dishes for my family friends here at YWAM Boston. I affirm people in their gifts, talents, and random acts of kindness. I listen to people in their glories and mourns. I ask simple questions like "how are you?". I hug the people I know a hug would mean the most to. I try my hardest to keep a open mind to the people here and their opinions on life. I read books based on Christ and world events, I also read fiction books to laugh and lighten others thoughts. I do art. I connect and feel emotion. I play sports when I least want to play them. I try(really hard) to laugh when my friends are joking with me while I am in a pity party, or upset about something. I receive gifts of love and affirmation (most of the time).

These are pieces of how I live. As a liver organ is important for the human body so is the person living for/in the Body of Christ. We must keep living as Christ, we must love as Christ has loved us, we must forgive and have mercy as Christ has done unto us. We love because He first loved us.

This is a story, a message placed in my soul by Holy Spirit. To Him be the love and glory. God is kind and lovely.

Monday, November 1, 2010

1 John 2
Christ Our Advocate
1My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin,(A) we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2(B) He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but(C) also for the sins of the whole world. 3And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we(D) keep his commandments. 4Whoever says "I know him" but does not keep his commandments(E) is a liar, and the truth is not in him, 5but whoever(F) keeps his word, in him truly(G) the love of God is perfected.(H) By this we may know that we are in him: 6whoever says he(I) abides in him(J) ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.

The New Commandment
7Beloved, I am writing you(K) no new commandment, but(L) an old commandment(M) that you had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word that you have heard. 8At the same time, it is(N) a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because[a](O) the darkness is passing away and(P) the true light is already shining. 9Whoever says he is in the light and(Q) hates his brother is still in darkness. 10Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him[b] there is no(R) cause for stumbling. 11But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and(S) walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
12I am writing to you, little children,
because(T) your sins are forgiven for his name’s sake.
13I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know(U) him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
because(V) you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, children,
because(W) you know the Father.
14I write to you, fathers,
because you know(X) him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
because(Y) you are strong,
and the word of God abides in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.

Do Not Love the World
15(Z) Do not love the world or the things in the world.(AA) If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world—(AB) the desires of the flesh and(AC) the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17And(AD) the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Warning Concerning Antichrists
18Children,(AE) it is the last hour, and as you have heard that(AF) antichrist is coming, so now(AG) many antichrists have come.(AH) Therefore we know that it is the last hour. 19(AI) They went out from us, but they were not of us; for(AJ) if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out,(AK) that it might become plain that they all are not of us. 20But you have been(AL) anointed by(AM) the Holy One, and(AN) you all have knowledge.[c] 21I write to you, not because you do not know the truth, but because you know it, and because no lie is of the truth. 22Who is the liar but(AO) he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? This is(AP) the antichrist, he who denies the Father and the Son. 23(AQ) No one who denies the Son has the Father. Whoever confesses the Son has the Father also. 24Let(AR) what you heard from the beginning abide in you. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, then(AS) you too will abide in the Son and in the Father. 25And this is the promise that he made to us[d]—(AT) eternal life.

26I write these things to you about(AU) those who are trying to deceive you. 27But(AV) the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and(AW) you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and(AX) is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him.
Children of God
28And now, little children, abide in him, so that(AY) when he appears(AZ) we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his(BA) coming. 29If you know that(BB) he is righteous, you may be sure that(BC) everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him.