The breaking of a few thoughts...to gain mercy

Dear Family,

I carry a burden that may not be mine to carry. I look at the church, look to the world and find no difference-therefore i shake to my knees in fear of the teachings and way of life that I live in. I question Christ, where is the abundant, unified life He claims that is in Him when the church is taking a razor to its limps to remove the finger, the toe, the eyes, from its own body. I question, question, question until 12 O'clock at night about the christian life or the life! Do i have an answers...NO.

BUT! PRAISE THE LORD, HE DOES NOT LEAVE ME IN THE GUTTER ALONE BUT RATHER SITS WITH ME, COMFORTS ME.

I MAY FEEL JADED BY A SMALL PIECE OF THE CHURCH BUT INDEED THAT IS IT; A SMALL PIECE OF THE CHURCH. CHRIST GAVE ME A PROMISE THAT THIS YEAR I WILL FEEL, WALK IN JOY- no, joy is not always smiling and laughing. its my holding dearly on to truth, onto the Christ that is joy(at least this is my definition today, tomorrow it will change).

PHILIPPIANS 1:15-19 (NLT)
¹⁷ Those others do not have pure motives as they preach about Christ. They preach with selfish ambition, not sincerely, intending to make my chains more painful to me. ¹⁸ But that doesn’t matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice. ¹⁹ For I know that as you pray for me and the Spirit of Jesus Christ helps me, this will lead to my deliverance.

I read this a night ago and took a step back to think about this guy, Paul. He notices the small part of the "church" then looks away to the good which is people are still gaining the message of Christ. At this moment Paul gives mercy onto these people with false motives, he hold on to no anger that is his own. He maybe angry about what is happening but maybe Paul gained a good understanding of a type of godly anger.

I don't give mercy to people in the church, I become quickly angered by comments, attitudes, personalities within a piece of the church. I realize, I am very much of a church politic. The one with the thoughts of "he should not be on the worship band because I do not see his heart in it" or something lame like that. I have failed to look to the full picture, I have to see the full picture of Christ's relationship with the church to understand mercy.

I have issues. I laugh at myself more and more because I am beginning to realize just my need of Christ.

PHILIPPIANS 3:7-9 (NLT)
⁷ I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. ⁸ Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ ⁹ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.^[a] For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.

I am challenged by this. Focusing on Christ to a point of really not caring about anything but Him, to know Yeshua.
When I read this I think toughen up, care for Christ before your self by caring for Christ you will care for your brother and sister.

Caring for my neighbor is not hard but it becomes hard for me in specific moments of conversation with my neighbor. Some talks kick my nerves and I get angry-then I reserve my love from my neighbor but this must stop. I realize Christ must weigh more then my bitterness or my thought life and some rules (convictions) I have placed myself under.

Thank God, He revealed a new way to live. He is being faithful to His words, to His promises that I may walk in joy. I am learning to deal with my aggressive behavior towards people in the church, this anger of hypocrisy in the church is not mine to cradle but to let go, to care for. I am learning mercy by the Spirits kindness.

In context Paul is speaking about circumcision and Old Testament rules now he considers it all worthless and faith in Christ is far more value then his religious acts.

How Christ, you are my focus, You are truly my value. Please keep correcting my crooked back.

Love to you.