Dear Family,
A lot has happen in these last few weeks that I do not know if I could write it all here. My life has had awesome victories then great slaps in the face by events.

I am going to write about the victories because I really think the victories are to bring freedom to my mind and heart when the slaps are things to make me angry, unforgiving and bitter but enough with those three things, I want love!

I think God is changing my heart a lot and many think I am crazy and spiritually dual but I am beginning to think maybe I am not. I maybe just in the right mind set and really allowing God to change something big in my life again. I find following God so exciting again and fun, freeing because I am hitting the rock bottom of myself to find myself at the feet of God.

1. I gave up music for 10 days to allow God to speak to me without that noise. I instead put the bible on my ipod to listen when ever and where ever. Awe, it was so great. For 5 days I had a head ache and felt sick because of the lack of music in my life yet in all this time I knew my understanding of scripture and Gods movement in the hearts of his people looked, meant, then how I should act and view myself and others-these things grew deeper in my mind. I listened to the whole New Testament and was deeply encouraged by Yeshua.

I am not easily swayed by music now, my thoughts and emotions are centered rather then moving with the song playing on the ipod. I am free from the music and able to focus. I have allowed music to control me to self-pity and I am embarrassed/ashamed to admit it. No, I do not think its the musicians and their message but rather ME. I am responsible to have self control which God is developing in me more of.

(BACKSTORY to why i also gave up music....I dislike all music at the moment, nothing says anything that I really like or support, nor how I would have expressed the words and thoughts in my mind so I am really really bored with much music. Truly only the Lord speaks the words I want to hear, agree with and also want to speak.)

2. Lust, I have been dealing with sexual desires a lot recently, at the beginning of 2010 I made a new year resolution that would be for life to not lust and have more self control this year mentally and physically then last year. These last Thursday, I realized I am in self control of my thoughts towards people around me and I do not want to think sexually toward anyone around me or have imaginations running through my mind in morning or night. I have self control over my self more now then in the past which I think is only from God because true maturity comes from God, only good things come from God and I am receiving words from God. I am not dwelling on humanity but God.

(Matt19:8-12) 8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men;and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.

I am questioning, should I accept this once again? Do I burn with lust so much to be married or can I renounce it to just be dedicated to God? Be praying for my in this area because most time I dont know what I want to be with some one or without some one? Its all so crazy and both look so good....

3. Last night I began to pack up comics, clothes and books that I do not need. I am going to sell them so I can give to the tour I will soon be going on. I also want to have freedom to go from here to there to anywhere God calls. I want to live simply so I can simply live.

4. Revelations, Matthew, Hebrews are my favorite books/letters at the moment in my life to listen. I am deeply encouraged and am beginning to really grasp generally every day what I am to do as a follower of Jesus. So far it is to love Jesus and continue to live beside him, continue to speak of his greatness and how he has inspired me to leave my filthy ways, my values become valueless compared to his love, to his message. I am standing and will until the end (hopefully)and justified by faith in Jesus.

Yeah, I am unafraid to love. I hope this makes sense and is encouraging to you. Keep following Jesus and stay strong in all things.
Hebrews 11-12:1-11, Matthew 9:13, Revelations 7:17, 17:13-14, 19:1-9, 22:21
If you want what I am meditating on and how I am living.
Reve: 22:21