Humility:noun
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

This is the definition of humility.

I have been learning of a new definition of humility which I realize I lack. I tell people my problems but I never allow there to be a lack of a self shielding. I share my issues but I cover the wound with a saying like "but God will take care of it", "God is good", "God will provide", these are true good saying but my use of these sayings is incorrect. I hardly leave room for a person to notice the pain, confusion, shaking of faith that my issues are causing me. I would like this to change, ultimately this action is pride, it keeps community in boundaries.

Its hard to be vulnerable. Its something many people do not see in the open and when it is seen in the open it causes reactions that many may not want to receive because it calls for change in society, in a individuals life, I don't know why for sure. My heart has changed tho, I am no longer willing to kneel to this action of pride that for me comes from a misunderstanding of Christianity.

I am not closed off to everyone, I share my life with people, what I am writing about is when we close our hearts off from people when it comes to insecurities that we know we need help in but refuse the help by hiding behind phrases. This is an act that I do and I know it is stopping the church from being the church around me. You need opportunities to be the church and I need opportunities to be the sinner in need of the church.

This is nothing new to my mind and I am sure to you who are reading this. This writing has been on my heart for the church and for myself to follow through with more in my life, I am releasing it from my heart for you to read and for you to remember to be vulnerable and not to hide behind feel good phrases. Be your self, let go and be free.

I am trying more in my life to give people more opportunities to be vulnerable, accountable, and cared for more through my arms, words, actions that come from Holy Spirit (hopefully). Mercy, Grace, Peace, Hope, Faith, Love are the weapons of choice for me from God. I hope and will act these out on you when you have a confession, a hurt, a issue with me or the world, confrontation. I want US to be the church and it starts with humility.

I struggle with life.