Dear Family,

Sometimes I just loose my mind. I sat for three hours bound up in thoughts and questions about God.

I am being honest, not for self-pity, not for any pity from others. I have questions that drive me under the ground. I am trying to cool off and enjoy the ride but there are moments like today when I am so unsure that I am paralyzed.

Above all what I may need most at the moment is a person to say "Yes, I agree and understand". My out look is changing so much and it is unfair for me to express my anger into others around me at moments but my internal thoughts are rolling and I sometimes get scared that maybe I (this community) is doing something wrong.

What if "time with Jesus" (meaning: sit and read the bible alone so you can continue to hold things away from the surface from being seen) is incorrect. I see many and at moments I hide away some of my true colors in a moment alone with God rather then deal with them.

What does it mean to be lead of the Holy spirit?

It is hard at this moment to sit and read the bible because I do not know if I am under a human idea of christianity or truly Gods way of christianity.

Its a thought and a thing I have been dealing with for awhile.

Please do not fear my health nor my trust of and in God. I truly think this is a maturing of faith and I need to push through but those who are in fellowship with me daily, will they walk with me in this? I think so.

Pray for me. A lot of things are being up rooted.

Thank you. Much love.

Jordan.